the mother archetype
She is the source of all life
We all had one.
From conception until birth, she was our home.
Our relationship with our mother ranges from idolisation to contempt and everything in between. It is in her ability to be intimately known - yet enigmatic that makes her a living contradiction. She is tenderness and she is instinct. She is fertility, shelter & nourishment and she is mystery, secrets & estrangement. She is our first home and often the one we find ourselves ‘coming back’ to.
As daughters, we learn what we know of the feminine first and foremost from our mother. We look to her for direct examples of care-giving, love, sexual expression, responsibility, nourishment and nurturance.
The Mother archetype is not only an aspect of biological mothers. We witness her in the single dad, widow or any man who nurtures his children; in the nurse, midwife or doctor genuinely caring for their patients; those who have the ability to “hold space” for anyone they are committed to healing & helping; those who care for the environment as well as Grandmothers, Mothers-in-Law, Stepmothers and Godmothers.
Traits of the Mother
The strengths of the Mother are found within her selflessness, her ability to help others, her nurturing nature and all-encompassing compassion. She emanates the confidence to raise children, multi-task, generously sharing her time and maternal ability.
Her shadow? Martyrdom, guilt-tripping, resentment, co-dependence and enabling poor behaviour in others to name a few. She can give to the point where she buckles, resulting in resentment. If pushed too far, she can become aggressive and bolt (see Abandoning Mother below). Another shadow aspect is that she is defined solely by motherhood - leaving other facets of her self neglected and unfulfilled.
Healthy boundaries for the Mother would include using words such as NO or NOT NOW as often as it took to ensure that she were ‘mothering’ herself first.
The myth or illusion of The Mother is that she can just keep giving – infinitely and wholly. But this is unrealistic. As amazingly capable, loving and giving as The Mother may be - she is just as worthy of receiving as she is of giving.
As always, it is all about balance....
Here are just a few mother archetype classifications for you to contemplate (there are many!). If you are anything like me you will identify with more than one of these!
Abandoning Mother
Abandoning Mother also ties in with Aggressive/Abusive Mother, all of which arise when the mother is overloaded, wounded or not able to discern what is possible to accomplish and what is not. Abandoning Mother can be there 100% – until she is not …. and we are left to eat her dust. In this situation, the mother’s abandonment can be all the more heartbreaking, due to the lack of telltale signs.
It is the challenge of the Abandoning Mother to develop discernment about what she is able to achieve/give within her mothering and what needs to be outsourced. She needs to establish healthy communication with those around her in order to express her emotions or ask for help.
Ambivalent Mother
Ambivalent mother is torn between society (her village) and her child. Illustrated within the Ugly Duckling story, we see Mother Duck’s ambivalence between longing to be accepted in society (a means of survival no doubt) but at a cost of the outcast of her offspring. A mother can also experience ambivalence in both the duality and polarity of her home life and work life. If you are a full time working mother, you will receive the judgement that your child is missing out. If you are a stay at home mum then you are labelled "just a stay at home mum". If you juggle both a career and your kids you are criticised for being time poor.
The Ambivalent Mother’s ultimate test is what Clarissa Pinkola Estes calls “an act of heroism” to contest her ambivalence. Plainly speaking, Ambivalent Mother must, if necessary, defend her children (and herself) in the face of society or patriarchy. This can be tough as it bears the threat of isolation and exile. Going against the majority scares the shit out of most people. Her lesson is not so much learning right from wrong – but more about from where she makes her decisions. Her greatest challenge is to make choices from the heart and not out of fear.
Child Mother
Artwork: Vicki Beven
Many new mothers relate to the Child Mother (or Unmothered Mother) archetype in her tendency to be of a naïve and fragile nature. She can be instinctually depleted as well as psychically confused.
In western society it is common that support for a new mother would not go further than a baby shower or blessingway. But we soon discover that growing, birthing and raising a baby is so much more than a send off. The reality of mothering can be more or less a ‘shock’ to the Child Mother who has not received the right kind of wisdom around motherhood.
Through means of social media and the like, motherhood is falsely glorified. New mothers are given a warped sense of reality, resulting in unrealistic expectations. She can feel inadequate and unworthy in her new role.
There was once a time where the Child Mother would receive blessings, wisdom and nourishment from the Goddess-Mother (God-Mother if you will). This impartation of “soul gifts” supported the Child Mother in her new role, empowering her with spiritual, physical and emotional nourishment. This wisdom was communicated by touch, a knowing look, a hug and most importantly, through story. Sadly, the role of Godmother became intellectualised and dissolved with the introduction of the Church. Rites of passage have become undervalued over time, however I believe people are gradually beginning to realise the importance of honouring this sacred time of transition.
It is unreasonable that we should expect to receive all of our ‘mothering’ from our one-and-only biological mother. Like any relationship, it is an unrealistic concept that a single person will sustain and meet all of our needs. Our mothers may be physically or emotionally absent or still in the throes of their own wounds, unable to support us as new mothers.
So, the objective of the Child Mother is to seek out connection and wisdom with “pseudo” mothers who can impart their wisdom, offer support, trust and nourishment in the way a biological mother would. It could be a grandmother, a crone, other mothers, godmother or even trusted strangers who are the keepers of this ancient & ancestral wisdom. Child Mother should also be open to connecting with the greatest teacher of them all – Mother Nature.
Devouring Mother
Devouring Mother (or Smother Mother) has a pattern of dropping guilt bombs on her kids for leaving her either emotionally or physically. She floods her children with love and affection kind of like Pepe Le Pew engulfs Penelope the Pussycat with sticky French kisses. When her nest feels empty, she looks to fill it back up again with ‘chicks’ using bribery and even shame to bring them back.
Smother Mother behaves co-dependently and deep down she is afraid to be alone. She holds onto her identity as a mother defensively in order to avoid embracing the other aspects of herself.
Devouring Mother's neediness is alleviated when she learns that loving her children whilst simultaneously loving herself is a possibility. It is her challenge to reconnect with other aspects of her complete self - aside from motherhood.
Perfect Mother
Perfect Mum impresses us all with her overly capable aptitude. She is on time, her kids are clean & well mannered, her gluten free muffins are fluffy-as-fuck, house is spotless and she is always so freaking happy. She may even manage all these things whilst profiling a glitzy social media account and running a thriving business. We all are left feeling inadequate in her presence. Is she a bloody mirage?
But something has got to give.
If there is one universal idea about mothering that any wise woman will tell you it is that mothering is most certainly not a “perfect” experience.
Your children will shit on the floor. You will be late for everything. Your baking will be burnt & unrecognisable. You will yell at your kids. They will draw on their baby brother’s face and you will honestly believe that eucalyptus oil is the most natural way to get it off until the baby goes red and blotchy and then you quite quickly realise that you may have to make a trip to the hospital in case he is poisoned. Furthermore, as mothers we do not just birth our babies - but we birth a brand new part of ourselves: life is forever changed. It’s like facing death or witnessing a miracle. We are left to process this all amidst severe sleep deprivation whilst covered in baby vomit.
The Perfect Mother’s challenge is learning to drop her guard/façade and embrace the reality of the messiness, craziness and ugliness that is affiliated with The Mother. She needs to find happiness in the ‘little moments’ that arise within the chaos and learn that the laundry can wait.
Her goal is to be empowered by the imperfections of motherhood and not defined by adhering to what she believes society expects of her. Perfect Mum would do well in embracing her inner Rebel or Wild Woman archetype to bring her equilibrium. Whether she spends the day masturbating or simply saying NO when she needs to: doing what makes her feel free & joyful is medicine for the Perfect Mother.
Warrior Mother
She's as tough as they come. Street wise, savvy and selective about whom she lets into her life, Warrior Mother is present in many single mothers or mothers who are lacking support, operating more in a left-brain state due to the overwhelming amount of tasks she has to complete by herself. Her capability and responsibility is infinite and she can also be very gifted with a kind of ‘engineer archetype’ trait as when she encounters an obstacle, she is great at finding a solution. She will literally make a square peg fit in a round hole.
As competent as Warrior Mother is, it is her challenge to soften into her feminine receptive state of being, letting others in and trusting others to take over some tasks for her. In some ways this is a brave move for Warrior Mother because she is used to wearing her armour and being on high alert for suspicious intent, always. And lets face it, it can be a lot easier to just wear a hard shell where the world is seemingly safe and predictable from external forces.
Warrior Mum's aim is to learn that her strength lies in her softness. It is in her ability to trust others and truly be vulnerable that she can be free of martyrdom and defensiveness in order to develop healthy relationships and give herself a break.
Cultivating a Healthy Mother Archetype
Artwork: Vicki Beven
So how do we cultivate a healthy Mother Archetype if we haven’t been shown good mothering? Are we doomed to pass the mother-complex baton to our children?
Carl Jung has this to say in his book ‘Four Archetypes’ about the mother-complex:
“A complex can be really overcome only if it is lived out to the full. In other words, if we are to develop further, we have to draw to us and drink down to the very dregs what, because of our complexes, we have held at distance.”
So in order for us to shake our mother complexes or shift our mother archetype from her shadow state, we merely begin by witnessing our own story with eyes wide open, with clear knowing to get perspective.
In the process of writing this, I wrote my own story. From my birth until now I excavated the nuances of my relationship with my own mother. Where it started, how it grew and where it is today. How it blossomed, burned, kicked me in the guts and how it healed. Where it still triggers me and where my scars are. I wanted to share it but in all honesty it was too darn intimate. But it was a powerful process.
So I encourage you to write your own story. Whether the past is calm or stormy, know that there is freedom when we pull our stuff out of the dark. It is the silence and the ignorance that keeps the shadow alive.
Within the wickedness, cruelty and rejection of The Mother we discover what does not serve us, as well as our children. In our trials and sufferings we unearth our resilience. Our greatest lesson to learn from The Mother Archetype is how to wholeheartedly love - and to be loved, unbiasedly.
If you want to explore your Mother Archetype further, please get in touch to arrange an art therapy session.
Journal Enquiry
What is your relationship with your own mother and how has it changed?
What gifts did she impart to you?
What shadow mother aspects did she have?
Have those shadow aspects carried over to you?
Who or what have you ‘mothered’ and how did you do it (a child, nature, creative project, business etc)
Do you know when to help and when to allow yourself to be helped?
In what ways do you practice self-love or self-mothering?
Resources:
Four Archetypes, CG Jung
Sacred Contracts, Carolyn Myss
Archetypes, Caroline Myss
Women Who Run With the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes
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